I Always Feels Like Somebody's Watching Me!

I've no privacy...

Just an update: There is a new video on the airwaves to this Michael Jackson hit, using the "Thriller" theme.

When I saw this today, it struck a little bit of a chord. One of the reasons why I will not return to Szerencs for a second year is because I hate that everyone knows me when I walk down the streets and I hate that everyone looks at me because I'm the black sheep in town. I know it's not in a bad way, but I still don't like that much attention drawn my way. I would love to walk around and not be able to throw a stick with a 99% probability of hitting a student. After all, I do teach most of the children in this town.

I'm writing so much lately, because I feel like I'm losing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually very happy at the current moment...partially from an e-mail I just got...partially because the weather is warm....partially because I had a great afternoon at the cukraszda eating wonderful ice-cream and talking with my contact teacher...partially because I know that I will be teaching in Budapest next year (!)...and partially just because.

That is a sidenote...

One minute, I'm ecstatic and feel like I'm sitting on cloud nine. I usually get this when I am out on my daily walk to Szerencs-Ond, a smaller village just 15 mins. away from my apt. I get a great view of the hills, vineyards, and there are no dogs in sight for at least ten minutes of the walk. Spring has brought lilac, blood red tulips, amazingly dark blue storm clouds...and it has allowed me to return to my bench in the castle garden where I can read by the fountain. I walk and observe this neighborhood and revel in its authenticity and character.

Then another day, I'm frustrated...absolutely on the opposite polar. I hate the town for a brief second and then pull myself together, actually telling myself out loud: get a grip Kat. I hate that I can't walk anywhere without someone knowing me. I like to separate work and leisure, and although my students are wonderful and I do like to see them, sometimes I need to be away from it. The only place I can be completely away is my apartment and a whole morning spent sitting in it makes me stir-crazy!!

Add in the fact that my landlady has been known to barge in and check up on how I'm keeping everything clean, never mind if I'm taking a shower, having dinner...

Maybe it's just me...I need space and time away from it all in order to re-charge and here in my current situation, it's a little complicated. On the other hand, Szerencs is beautiful, especially in the spring, and everyday on my walks, I take notice of it and appreciate that I am here.